Strangers

I've been contemplating whether to post this or not but...eh.

I'm not gonna get all emotional and get overboard with things here, just here me out.

I know you're reading this, okay.

I'm really just sick of all this fighting.

I'm sick of it and I guess the only way to stop all of it is to just man up and apologise again.

I know I'm wrong in all this.

I've known all along I was.

I turned against everybody.

Everything affects me too.

I'm always thinking about everything.

Past memories.

And sometimes I wonder if they really were worth giving up.

Okay not going emo board here.

But yes for a while there I really did miss you.

Everyone was always asking why I stopped being friends.

And sometimes I just couldn't answer because I was an ego ass.

The week before Ramadhan, I started talking to Nad.

And I was set on apologizing to you.

Because I felt that you were hurt the most considering how close we were.

So I wanted to.

But this thing called ego which is made up of 80% of my living soul said no.

And fights were started.

My fault.

To be honest I felt the inner devil inside me go 'yay they're mad haha' every single time.

Felt like a game.

If I could get you mad, I win.

But in the end, from all the 'wins' I got, there was no prize for me.

Just more hatred.

After a while, I got bored and finally decided that you know what I need to move on.

I did.

And from there I thought I'm tired from all this.

So I just shut up from saying everything on my mind.

Teacher Azlina was right, some things aren't meant to be said.

I was kind of suprised.

How we turned from best friends to strangers.

But I was fine with it.

This is part of moving on, forgetting.

And after quite some time, I was just content on us being strangers.

I didn't feel the need to run back.

Strangers, felt better.

But then Hanani started talking.

And I guess you heard or something.

And I don't know how you found my new account.

And you tweeted those things.

I tweeted back.

I think you got the mention.

You just didn't reply.

I've been wanted to write this since last week just got caught up.

So, here I am.

I know we've been through a lot this year.

And suddenly drastically changing from friends to strangers.

But, I scroll through your account too.

And you did say that you'd stop asking about me and stuff.

So I kind of got pissed.

You said you'd forget about me and yet you're tweeting all those.

Why were you still not over it was my question.

If I'm over it, you should too.

Just in case you get mad at me even through this post, I'll just say

That I do miss you from time to time.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry, I really am.

You're actually the first person I wanted to apologize to back then.

And I never did it.

So a billion times I'm sorry.

And I really just want all this fighting to stop.

I'm sorry.

Monday, September 3, 2012 @ 5:09 AM / 0 thoughts

amazeballs

Strangers

hello dear

hear me

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