On our car drive home she'd told me stories of how life was back then. Before we were born and before any of us knew anything. 

See, I'd always thought that mom and dad always had it easy. Especially mom. I thought she never knew how hard times felt like or to struggle with anything in life. She always told us the good things. She always told us how much she loved her dad and how much he loved us. She told us how he raised her and how she's doing the same. 

Mom told me back when Dad lost his job. I thought he'd lost his job for like a year or two but it was for 5 years I think. Times were tough then. Kak Long was just born. The bank he was working in closed down. So he went to KL to find a job. He sold chicken chop at the MARA building in KL. Mom told me how scared she used to be when she had to pick up abah because it was a shady part of town.

When she got news that she might be pregnant (with me), she cried and said she didn't want the baby. She wanted it aborted because she couldn't stand the stress of another child. She cried to her boss saying she couldn't do this anymore so she got moved to KL. Turns out she wasn't pregnant. 

I'd always blamed my parents for being too busy to take care of us. We'd always meet people who used to nurse us since we were children and I used to think how could my own parents not take care of us. But it was then that I'd realized how hard my parents had it. With abah's unemployment and mom forever leaning to her dad for support, my parents never had it easy from the beginning. They had to do what other normal adult had to do. I couldn't blame it on them. 

Dad eventually landed a job at MMU. And for as long as I'd been a child that's where he worked. I remember going to the university's kindergarten and then going to dad's office after school. 

Now he's working at Telekom and he's so proud of it hehe. He is always praising his company and I used to find it boring. But now I see that he's just proud of how far he came through. From selling chicken chop to a manager in a huge Malaysia company, that's a pretty good life deal. 

Maybe that's why he's so generous. It's because he's been through hard times and understands how it feels. He is a good man. Too good actually, that's what mom says. He always helps people when they need something. I found out just how kind of a man Dad is when I went out on an outing with Busu. He offered me RM100 to buy books and I declined, bcos dude my wallet was stuffed. He said 'ala apa hal. Abah kau dulu banyak tolong Busu. Sekarang Busu balas balik'. I was so touched. Abah is a testimony to the saying 'do good for others, and others will be good to you'. 

I used to be embarrassed to know my dad sold chicken chop in a stall. But he told me once that when it was his last day, a man who was a frequent customer said how much he'd miss dad's stall and it was a shame he was leaving. See, he is the kind of man that leaves a mark on you, his kindness and his friendliness. 

But till this day, Abah refuses to cook chicken chop for us heh.

I used to complain about my life at school a lot. And it was on the way home that mom told me that you don't always like how your friends are. Her friends do bad stuff too but she doesn't disconnect herself. Instead she focuses on the good. If her friend is talking about something she doesn't like then she just tunes it out. She only focuses on the good. Because let's face it, everyone has their flaws. But it's what makes them good that made us befriend them in the first place. So leave all the negative things. Only look at how they affect you positively. You can't like everything about a person, but you can choose the ones that you do like. 

I'm not saying you should turn a blind eye towards their flaws but if it came to the point that even your advices don't change their mind, then you have done your responsibility as an Ummah. Don't tune out her flaws but learn to deflect it. 

Like this one girl I knew. She was so fun to be around and was always happy. But she was really social. I really didn't like listening her talk about her boyfriend and how she's gonna talk to other guys if he doesn't pay attention to her. Nope, I hated it. But she was more good to me than bad. She was a good friend. So if she talked about her boyfriend then I'd change the subject or tune her out. 

You have to make good friends in your life. How they affect you is important. If they're more bad to you than good, don't completely shut her off. But be at minimum contact. If they're good people with flaws then learn to accept their flaws.

Like Ikin. She's a mess and is almost never punctual. But she's a genuine person, someone who can tell me the truth even if it did sting at times. Or Siti. Who used to drive me crazy because she had a short attention span and was overly sensitive. But she's so innocent and she's good for me. 

Maybe that's why I've had such great friends in my life. Mom taught me that. I remember saying all that to Puteri and she said I was so wise hahaha. But nahhh, it was all mom. All the advice she gave me over the years, whether I noticed it or not, shaped me the way I am. 

Sometimes we don't realize how we affect people. Or how our words can change the people around us. So that's why I am always grateful when my friends appreciate how I am around them. I am always reminding myself to be a positive figure in life. That's what matters, making people around me laugh and live. I have to stop thinking 'who cares about making people happy if I'm unhappy'. That's what always made me go through my annual depression. The fact that I made people laugh but I was empty inside. 

In truth, if I stopped being selfish, I would've appreciated how much laughter I brought on. It was a great thing itself to make people feel happy. If I had noticed how much I affected people, it would've affected me to be happy as well. 

I've learned and lost this year. 

Along with the kindness of Abah and the wisdom of Mom.