I spent New Years this year in Johor Bahru, out on a little holiday before school ended. Of course, 25% of it was ruined by Sarah and Fatin and Soraya but other than that, I really liked it. It's been a while since we all went on a holiday together. This year, with me at boarding school, Fatin with her SPM, Sarah.....I don't know what she does and Soraya with her SIMs, I guess there wasn't any time. Tbh. that was what scared me the most when I entered Mozac. If I'd lose touch with my family or we'd all just grow apart. I felt it too. When I went home the last few months, rasa so empty. It felt like I was at a homestay for a few days.Actually, the whole year it's been like that. Of course, mom and dad ask me all about my life there but my sisters never seemed to care. When I go home, they don't ask me how's life there and how I'm doing, I actually felt like they didn't care at all that I was gone. I mean, come onlah, I'm gone practically 3 months and I don't expect a huge omg you're home yay party but yknow....wtv. I feel awkward talking about my life there too because they probably don't care or they won't understand how it is.
Funny thing, when I told my sisters I got accepted into Mozac, it was rather dissapointing. They didn't congratulate me. Or any of the crap you're supposed to do. They asked if I could have my room or my iPod. Losing me meant gaining stuff to them. I was really, really, dissapointed. They didn't feel happy for me. This was a huge deal man. Something that was gonna change my life but all they could think of was themselves. And I know saying all this makes me a lil selfish too but how could they not support me when I was going through a big moment.
Or maybe they got sick of me and my big moments. It'd been about me, me, me after the results came out and they were probably just sick of me rubbing my big moments in their face. Still, if this was happening to them, I would've been the first person to say congrats or smth. idk. Think of others for once, it can't all be about you.
Like honestly, my sisters are so ungrateful sometimes I feel like bashing their heads against a brick wall. After spending half my year away from home, it really made me appreciate my parents more. You guys take them for granted, man. Albeit, I am a bit of a bitch to them myself but I really try to appreciate mom and dad. This whole holiday, I don't even care where we go, I literally just get ready and go along. I just want to spend time with them and have dinner together. I don't care where it is, I just care that they're around.
I remember lagi, when we were grocery shopping during my outing and Sarah said 'eee kak ngah ni selalu beli banyak barang' or something along that line. But it made me cry in the car. Entahlah, it's just the sadness of it all. Memanglah I spent a fortune on school this year, but I spent it alone. You guys got to go home with mom and dad tapi aku ni? 4-5 jam je setiap minggu I get to spend with them. Kau 24/7 dengan diaorang tapi tak appreciate langsung. Aku yang setiap malam dapat dengar suara je. Being apart from your parents is hard. Kau tak boleh kata I'm burdening them with all the fees and shopping sebab kau sama je. But the difference is, you take it for granted.
Alhamdulillah, for everything they did for me this year. I am incredibly grateful. I cannot express how much I appreciate all they've done for me, supporting me through all this, taking time to see me etc. I did feel guilty because the fees were really expensive but dad said it's the same if I stayed at home, they'd have to spend that much money on my food and education too. Alhamdulillah for having such great and supportive parents. I really am thankful, thank you Allah.
This whole post just got really off topic haha. But I needed to say that, appreciate your parents guys and be happy for others :)
Sunday, January 4, 2015 @ 10:05 AM /
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