I don't want to repeat my PMR mistake this year. Now that I think of it, I neglected Allah a lot that year, for the sake of getting my 8As. I skipped terawih and spent all my time studying. Alhamdulillah, all the work paid off but looking back, it felt so empty. Because I did it for my own purpose. I forgot that Allah was the one that gave me my success. I was so proud of myself, I didn't stop to think that it all came from Allah SWT. I had myself thinking it was all because of me. And truly, I never want to forget my Creator in any of my success for it all came from him. 

I need to balance my education and religion. It can't be all about education. What point will being successful be if I lose my faith along the way? If I am successful on Earth but poor in the Hereafter? I have to constantly remind myself that this year. I have to always remember that my SPM isn't everything. Allah will help me, therefore I have to remember Him throughout my journey.

I am always terrified of fully forgetting Him in my pursuit of the big, bright world. I have to keep my foot on the ground and not let this world lift me in the air. The thrill of flying is exciting until I realize that I'm just floating in nothingness. Please, dear self, please don't forget yourself. 

Some of my resolutions are to memorize surahs! I've heard a lot of people say that memorizing the Al-Quran helps us remember. I can't say for sure, but I think it's true. The last few months I was there, I started memorizing a few surahs. I think it was a few weeks before my finals. I wanted to see if it could help boost my memory and Alhamdulillah, it did. It was easier to remember things as memorizing the surahs trains the brain to remember the details of the sentence etc. I think it's incredible that remembering Allah helps boost our brain usage. I want to memorize a lot this year. I'm sixteen and I've only memorized 4 pages of the Al-Quran. FOUR! It's embarrassing but I will work hard this year! InsyaAllah :) 

2014 was the year I learnt the importance of the Al-Quran. There was this 2 day ceramah on Al-Quran during Ramadhan and it was a real eye opener. They made us hug the sacred book and remember all the times we pushed it aside to study for exams. So many people cried, heh me too because I felt ashamed and guilty. Everyday I saw people read the Quran, before breaking fast or at night after prayers, Allah sent me so many clues but I never took much care into reading it. Aku dah khatam. Tu je yang penting bagi aku. I regret being so arrogant towards the Quran. 

It makes you feel at peace, reading the words of Allah. Kalau hati rasa kosong or berat, focusing fully on His words calms you down and makes you feel like everything is okay. But after some time, I realized reading the Quran wasn't making me feel close to Allah. Then I found a book saying that you cannot just read the Quran, you must understand it. You have to understand what Allah is trying to say or warn about. You don't just read it blindly, you have to absorb what Allah is teaching you. The Al-Quran is a perfect book. You have to understand the meaning of the surahs to understand how perfect it is. I'm still at the stage of understanding, not yet absorbing, insyaAllah I will try. 

"If you want to speak to Allah, then pray. But if you want Allah to speak to you, read the Al-Quran".

I'm such a weak servant, I don't even know if I have the right to preach others on loving Allah. I'm very, very weak. I am terrified if what I am doing isn't enough to save me in the afterlife, I know it isn't. But I want to change. I want to change this year. I will try tapi kalau diterima ke tak, aku tawakkal je. He knows what is good and what is bad. May Allah guide me to the right path, Amin.

To 2015, May Allah bless me through the year :)