Hey, guys. It's T-minus 8 days until results and I'm just internally freaking out heh.Mom keeps saying that she doesn't really have any expectations for my results and I'm glad but it doesn't make me feel better about it. I don't know, I've just always had this big expectation for myself, to get straight As, to go to a good school etc. I feel like I'm always pushing myself to be the best and at the end of the day it's always me that ends up stressed out. Bodoh je aku ni hahaha.
I was so chill about it this whole three months but now that it's a week away, I'm getting so nervous dfhsfklsaj What if I don't get that 9As? I mean, I know it's not the end of the world, believe me. My sister only got 5 and yet she's getting 3.75 GPAs and really liking law. But, this is me. Old, dramatic me. I don't think I can live with the fact that I was one or two As away from getting that straight As without thinking that I could've done better.
I keep seeing all these tweets about whatever result we get, kita redha je and that if we had given it our all, truly, Allah has other plans for us. But that's the thing!!! I know I didn't do my best for my SPM. My SPM was shit next to my PMR. I gave PMR everything I had but I was so unprepared for SPM. So what happens then????
Maybe this is just pre-result day and that when I get it, I will find clarity in the fact that it will be one failures out of many. Maybe I will make do with my result, I pray that I do. Because I know, somewhere along the way I'll find a way to beat myself up about it. God, please, let me get that 9As...
Other talks concerning my future, I don't want to go to UITM. I know it's so selfish of me but I want to do something different. I'd get sick of living the same thing my sister did. My whole life's always a copy of Fatin's. Maybe that's one of the reason I went to boarding school. My sister' high school life was shit and I knew I'd never feel the same way about high school if I stayed, no offence to all my friends.
My parents aren't worried about my college education because they think of course I'm gonna pick UITM but yoooo, I don't. I don't know, I want to learn Law but I wanna go somewhere else, take on new adventures that I haven't heard of from my sister, gain my own experiences. I want to apply to UM. But my guidance counselor said better not apply to UM if our results aren't good so I'm going to see how my results are. If they're average then sadly, I will have to go to UITM.
A Levels is another option I've always considered. But it sort of breaks my heart when my parents say they can't afford it so I never push for A levels. I've heard how expensive it is from my rich ass friends so I know my family definitely cannot afford it heh.
I really want to go overseas too. Dad keeps saying it's not worth it to spend that much money on a degree but I really want to. I don't really say anything because I can't guess how my results are gonna go but if it is good, dear god, I wanna go overseas.
It's just one of those things I wanna push in my life, learning overseas....
Sighs talking about my unpredictable future is making me sad.
Bye.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016 @ 8:01 AM /
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