BM - A+

BI - A+

HIS - A+

MATHS - A+

AGAMA - A +

ADDMATHS - A

BIO - A

PHY - A

CHEM -B+

Truly, alhamdulillah! 

But I have to be honest lah, I was pretty heartbroken when my name wasn't called on stage. You could just see my face falling when they passed my name heh. After I realized I wasn't one of the 42 to get straight As I immediately texted the number to know my results and I was so nervous when the text came. I only saw the back of it and the worse I saw was a B+ so I was sort of relieved. I showed my parents (and wouldn't let them tell me haha) and my mom looked so suprised. She told me my result was good and I terus lari pergi ambik result hahaah first siut. I can't say it wasn't annoying seeing the B+ on my slip but I was so proud when I saw the straight 5 A+ across my slip :')

Tapi manusia kan, mana reti nak bersyukur. When my parents asked me how I felt about my results, I couldn't really pinpoint what I was truly feeling, Dissapointment of course lah. I did feel like crying but my parents were so proud of my result and that's supposed to be the only thing you expect your parents to be so I couldn't really say I was feeling dissapointed with myself. I think I was really shell shocked after getting my results bc everything felt like a blur. Rasa macam tak betul je haha. I couldn't accept it at first, I kept looking at my slip wishing for another A to appear. 

And I'll be honest, it took me a while to finally be at peace with result. Susah lah nak explain but I just felt like after complaining about the classes and having to attend so many extra classes, cakap macam confirm je straight As and last2 tak dapat pun. All I did was complain and was never grateful for the work my teachers put in to teach me. Tu lah berkat cikgu. I was only dissapointed with myself lah. I just had this thought that I wanted to leave Mozac with a bang, with straight As in my hands but Allah has other plans I suppose. Now I'm grateful but there still lies the pang of dissapointment.

Sekarang tengah stress fikir college and scholarships. They lied. They said getting straight As would definitely make your college life easier. Lies. They should've told us it's the A+s and As that mattered. In my time, getting straight As is nothing without A+s and As. I have friends who got straight As but still cannot apply to certain scholarships bc they don't have enough A+s and As. Even my friends yang tak straight As pun still qualify for prestigious scholarships bc they had more A+s and As than most of the students that got straight As. Itu je scholarships are looking at, the quality of your As, not the amount of As. 

So, for now, I'm contemplating doing A-Levels. Bruh, there's so much drama that goes down in this -_-. It's expensive af. The cheapest I found was at TARC and tu pun 14k. Entahlah...

I want to do A-Levels, I don't want to go to UITM. Mom wants me to do A-Levels but she also cannot figure out how she's going to afford it. Dad still expects me to go to UITM like my sister.

My parents are pushing me in all sorts of direction. Mom keeps asking if I want to take up another course but when I did for my UPU, takut plak aku tak dapat law. I rasa, kalau memang rezeki aku dapat science, I will take it lah. It wouldn't be her choice to choose for me. Abah pulak insists gila2 lah I study local only for my degree and only go overseas during my Masters. Why doesn't he ask me that I don't want to pursue my Masters straight away after my degree, that I really want to go overseas for my degree, that I want to take up A-Levels? Why can't he see that times are hard, and just getting a degree won't guarantee my chances at a job?

I have results to do really good programmes and I feel like I worked too hard to end up at UITM. Bukannya I look down on those at local colleges but I just want to do more. I want to try something new and challenging.

mom kata yg all my life ive always overshadowed fatin and that if i do take up a-levels lagi lah nampak mcm they favour me more. but i worked for it....i don't deserve it more than anyone, but i worked for it...why does being biased have to be an issue....

Of course education is still education where ever you go, but I really want to try out A-Levels. Nak aku jujur, I'm a little dissapointed lah my parents didn't set up an education fund for us since we were little, it would've made life rn easier to go to a lot more places but takpelah, it wasn't meant to be.

I am sad though that I am unable to take up A-Levels bc I just get so guilty when I hear mom talking about taking out loans and stuff. Aku rasa macam leceh je last2, baik pergi UITM je where money won't be a problem. Plus I hate, hate the fact that dad will be looking down at my choice in the end (bc it's not his choice see). Even now pun when we talk about my future, he keeps quiet when I talk about wanting to do A-Levels & it just makes me want to drop all of it and pergi je lah UITM tu. Ikut je lah eventhough I won't be happy doing it. He doesn't even show much interest to know about A-Levels.

I wish I could choose for myself and my parents just accpeted it but it's all in Allah's hands.

Dear future me, I hope you're happy with what you chose. If you aren't, I'll try harder next time.